I don’t care much about the backstage area. That’s why after the gigs I can usually be found somewhere in the club, having a drink or ten. This usually results in people coming up to me to have a chat, take a photo or get something signed. I love that, really, but for a while there have been a few things that bugged me (some of them bug me a lot). So here’s a few general things to consider:
1) BE PATIENT
If I’m talking to someone else, please wait!! This is not the “Office of Faderhead Affairs”, you don’t have an appointment at a predetermined time and I don’t owe you anything. DO NOT poke me on my shoulder! I don’t know you, I am busy talking and you are being rude. Most likely there are 5-25 other people in line waiting and you just tried to skip them all. Which is especially rude.
2) DO NOT POKE ME
Again, if I am talking to someone else, DO NOT INTERRUPT. If it takes too long for you, come back later. If you do poke me, I will most likely tell you to fuck off – or just hold up my hand and let you talk to the hand (cause the face ain’t listening). It’s just common courtesy and common sense. Then again, if sense was common, more people would have it …
3) DO NOT GIVE ME YOUR CD
I’m sorry, if you are in an electronic project/band, don’t give me your CD. Actually, don’t even tell me about it. I don’t listen to electronic music at home and I won’t listen to your CD. No offense, but that’s how it is. Keep the CD and give it to someone who actually WANTS it. Other problem: where am I gonna put it? I have a glas in one hand and a pen to sign things in the other hand (or a girl, or a phone) – please don’t expect me to trade pen/girl/phone for your CD that I don’t want. That’s simple logistics at work for ya!
4) DON’T ASK ME ABOUT THE SOFTWARE I USE
I use what everyone else uses a DAW (Cubase 5) and VSTis (Battery, Omnisphere, Vanguard, Trilogy, Kontakt, etc.) and it does not really matter. If I made a song with other stuff, it’d still sound like Faderhead. This is a really boring topic to me. And especially don’t tell me that you are a great producers who’s been producing for 10 years and your music is fuckin’ awesome. How come Krischan Wesenberg or Daniel Myer don’t know you and your songs are still on the CD-R that you’ve been trying to give me then? ;))))
5) DON’T ASK ME TO GIVE YOU SOME OF MY VODKA
We are in a club. There’s a bar. Buy it yourself, cheap-ass! :)
6) BUY ME A DRINK INSTEAD
On the 15 shows of the US tour, only one (!) person (Lizz!), was kind enough to ask me if she could buy me a drink. Everyone else just asked me for stuff. I’m not complaining at all, but guess who the person was that I wanted to hang with for the rest of that evening? I’m not asking all of you to buy me a drink here, I’m just trying to illustrate how human interaction works …
EDIT: This pertains to the “introduction” or “first meeting” – I’m not talking about people who I’ve been talking to for a while! Thanks to all of those who bought/brought me drinks :)
7) DON’T JUST STAND IN THE DISTANCE AND STARE
I don’t know how often this happens, but quite a lot (last time in Cincinnati with the pretty, blonde girl in the KMFDM shirt)! When I’m talking to people and/or signing stuff, don’t stand far away and stare over. There’s no chance in hell, I’m gonna leave all the fans there and walk over to you. I like most of my fans and if they were first, they are first. If you want to talk/hang out/get something signed: COME OVER and say hi! And don’t bitch on me on Facebook a week later for “Letting fans down/Not caring about fans!” etc. simply because you couldn’t remove yourself from your spot …
8) DON’T TELL ME MY FRIENDS SUCK
I like them and I don’t know you. If you talk shit about people I’m with or people I know, don’t expect me to a) listen to you, b) believe you and c) like you. People talk unsubstantiated bullshit about me all the time, what makes you believe I care about the crap you have to say? Girls: don’t tell me that the girl I’m hanging out with is a slut/ugly/stupid/psycho – I’m a grown man, I’ll figure it out myself – bitching just makes you look bitter ;)
9) DON’T INTERRUPT ME BEFORE THE SHOW
If you see me walk through the club before the show, please don’t ask me for a picture/autograph. I am probably trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible to get something done that needs to get done. I’m trying to get ready to do the best show I can and I’ll be there in the club after the show, I promise! :)
10) DON’T TRY TO START A CONVERSATION ON/NEAR THE DANCEFLOOR
If I’m in the club/dancefloor-area, chances are I won’t be able to hear 80% of what you are saying cause it’s SIMPLY TOO LOUD.
11) KNOW HOW TO OPERATE YOUR CAMERA
Please, for the love of god, there’s 30 people waiting behind you, you want to take a picture and then you DON’T EVEN HAVE A CAMERA?????? HOW ARE YOU GONNA TAKE A PIC?? :) Hahaha, that was the most bizarre situation in Philly, really. So what I am trying to say here is: bring a camera. If you only have a cellphone, make sure it has a flash and the flash is activated (otherwise your picture will be … dark). If you are waiting for 5 minutes anyway, please figure out how to switch it on beforehand. It’s just polite to the people waiting behind you!
You’d think that one wouldn’t have to say these things, but if this and more happens 5-10 times a night, I lose interest in hanging out in the club. And I don’t want that. Sooooo, as always after the shows: come by, say hi, take pictures, get CDs signed and tell me cool stories or interesting bits (I’m not too interested in iPhone apps, so those don’t fall in the “interesting bits” category). :)
Oh, and if I ask you to write me an email, DO IT. Don’t assume I don’t mean it.